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My Everlasting Love Affair with DBSK

Today is my one-year anniversary with DBSK, and so I am celebrating a blooming unrequited love with quite possibly the five most angelic beings who have ever graced this earth with song and dance.

Ahem. The thought of this milestone actually didn’t occur to me until a few minutes ago. I began the day like any other weekday of summer indulgence: sleeping in, lazily grabbing a bite of breakfast, and surrendering myself to the temptation that is the Internet. I revisited one of my favorite performances, “Beautiful You,” and from that moment I was irreversibly lost in DBSK fairyland for the rest of the day.

I do believe I’ve blogged more about DBSK than any other topic. My first blog entry involving DBSK drool aplenty was made on June 30th, 2009. I was introduced to DBSK by a long-distance friend, whom I met again just last week, on June 27th, 2009. I’m quite certain that my true anniversary is June 29th, however, because it was a Monday last year and I had just returned from my Thousand Islands camping trip to check out this Korean boy band sensation. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.

So I guess I’d need a heck of a lot of reasons to explain why I’ve been “in an open relationship with Dong Bang Shin Ki” on Facebook for as long as I remember. But even the title of their group speaks for itself. Rising Gods of the East. How majestic, epic, awe-inspiring is that name alone? Since late 2003, this group of five superbly talented and attractive males has brought the female population of Asia and now the entire world to its knees.

I admit that I am smitten very easily, whether with a boy half my age whopping arse on the tennis court or a middle-aged actor of a Jane Austen gentleman. But those don’t even count as fancies, and last hardly more than a day. True, I am not a dedicated enough fan of DBSK to think about them every moment, or even every day. My attention has always been stolen by school, violin, chores, other groups creeping into my heart like Super Junior, and occasionally a boy in real life (who would’ve thought my mind can wander this far?).

But I dare venture to say that in the end, I always crawl back on hands and knees to the boys (officially men, but sometimes as sweet as newborn babies) who had bewitched me a year ago and then stolen my heart with no intention of ever returning it. I finally understand that I don’t need a reason for my peculiar FB relationship status that can be seen by all. Indeed I have a myriad of reasons for falling so deeply in love with these five boys, but truly, they need not be justified. Love opposes all logic and reasoning.

At first sight I was captivated by Jaejoong. He absolutely glowed in the spotlight of the 2007 Soul Power performance of “Love in the Ice.” His vocal prowess melted me into my socks. His stunning eyes, called beautiful by women of all ages and I daresay men as well, pierce the very soul. He has no equal. Even in the realm of spicy pepper tolerance (as in eating the spiciest pepper in the world with a smile) he is unmatched.

But my first love blinded me to the other boy, whom I love just as much Jaejoong. He is Junsu, the dolphin, the cutie, the romantic, the dearest crybaby. His voice sweeps me up to high heaven. His smile is the same as a baby’s. And as for his duckbutt…no more words are necessary. The first song that brought me to tears was his “Rainy Night.” The song that made me a sobbing mess for a good half hour today is also his composition, “W.”

“W” is sung by JaeChunSu for HoMin and Cassiopeia. The lawsuit filed by Jaejoong, Yoochun, and Junsu against SM Entertainment last summer is one that I have previously blogged about with fervent indignation. The gigantic mess has cleared just slightly now, and reveals that a new group has been formed, JYJ. Jaejoong-Yoochun-Junsu. They performed in Tokyo Dome for Thanksgiving in Japan, arrived in America just a few days ago for recording, and will release their new album in August. Yunho has recently been promoting his drama “Heading to the Ground,” posing in magazines, and appearing in fan meetings. I have no clue as to Changmin’s whereabouts and activities. The first DBSK philosophy I have ever abided by, 5-1=0, is now shattered. And so, in this intense song of love and longing, JaeChunSu express their feelings in music for the first time to HoMin. And they dedicate the song also to Cassiopeia, their global fans who are named after the queen constellation shaped like a W.

It’s touching, really, the representation of DBSK and Cassiopeia etched in the heavens. We, Cassiopeia, are the stars that shine in the dark night sky that is DBSK. One cannot exist without the other. And this is the way I will always be, because I will forever support DBSK’s second philosophy, Always Keep the Faith. In “W,” JaeChunSu express not only the deep extent of their longing for HoMin, but also heartwrenchingly reveal how much Cassiopeia means to them. They tell us to keep supporting and waiting for them because they will not fail us.

This is not an empty promise. Even if DBSK is currently on hiatus and the members are split, I am certain that they can fulfill their individual dreams and reunite in the future. Time will be our guardian. And I will love them eternally because they have given me so much that is beyond the power of words to describe. Yet I have never been able to convey that gratitude and appreciation, aside from my fanlistings for Yunho and Yoochun. I will continue wishing and praying and dreaming for the five of them together. But for now, I will devote myself to JYJ and cheer on for my boys, hoping that they can still smile and be happy each day.

I really should chide myself for being so weak-hearted. One song can reduce me to a glistening puddle of tears. Although I fully indulge in bliss when listening to the magic of their voices, I also subject myself to the bittersweet heartbreak that mirrors their own inner sorrow. I cannot say whether this one-sided relationship between a mere fan and these almost inhumanly magnificent musicians is healthy or not. But without a doubt they are beyond extraordinary. My heart refuses to compare them to anyone else because DBSK is truly unparalleled in this world. They have made my year beautiful.

Here is heaven in song.

W by JaeChunSu

Kanashimi No Yukue by Junsu

For You by Jaejoong

I am so proud of my boys. My heart bleeds for them. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry in Junsu’s solo, but the tears started rolling the fourth minute. My condolences also to Jaejoong’s loss of his best friend today.

Protected: Chapter 4: Memories

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Protected: Chapter 3: Sufferings

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Super Junior

So, a friend of mine is off to China and Korea for vacation, and apparently her uncle’s best friend works at SM Entertainment, and she may be staying right next to Super Junior’s dorms!! Shall I take her word for it? Well I offered her $100 for Kyuhyun’s autograph anyway, preferably personally addressed. As if there’s any chance of that. :P

I think today concludes my 9-day Super Junior live performance drool. And luckily I think I’ve watched all of their 3-week 4th album promos, and I’ve just finished with the two best performances of Miinah/Bonamana and Boom Boom. This might as well be a promotion of these two BEYOND PERFECT performances, and I even made a list of the best features of each! Even if you’ve never heard of Super Junior before and have just stumbled upon my blog, WATCH!! Well, if you’re female, anyway. But if I were a guy I would totally go for the pretty boys, so males should watch as well. :P


Bonamana at Inkigayo Comeback Stage on 5/16/10

the colorful outfits; Donghae with the red sash and the rose; Kyuhyun and Yesung’s back-and-forth singing; Leeteuk’s exposure of his upper back; Kyuhyun’s gorgeous slide; Yesung’s beautiful smile

Boom Boom at Inkigayo Comeback Stage on 5/16/10

the planetarium setting; Kyuhyun’s all-black outfit; Donghae’s muscle exposure; Ryeowook’s hair flipping; Heechul’s beauty in full view, without sunglasses or hood; Sungmin’s touching of his face; close-up of Eunhyuk’s abs

Also, just for kicks, this is the Kyuhyun-focused fancam vid I drooled over in my last blog post:

Kyuhyun cam on 5/15/10

Man this dorky prince is killing me with his sexy voice, dance moves, and stares. :P

Summer Drool

So, after a weekend of tremendous work ethic in completing projects/portfolios and studying for finals, I finished high school with a flourish on Monday!! And reverted right back to my lazy, drooling fangirly self. Oh gosh, I don’t even know where to begin if I choose to recount the guys I’ve pined after since May. But after some brain-racking, I’ve come up with my list in order of who I drooled over first, and ending with my current obsessions. :P

Chiaki (Nodame Cantabile)

Yang Kang (Legend of Condor Heroes) / Yelü Xie (Young Warriors of the Yang Clan) / Lin Mu Fei (Clothing the World, upcoming) – Yuan Hong

Yang Guo (Return of Condor Heroes) – Huang Xiao Ming

Yen-j (Yan Jue, musician)

Luo Xi – Huang Xiao Ming, Ou Chen – Peter Ho (Summer’s Desire)

SS501 – Kim Hyung Jun

SHINee (just a little)

DBSK (love all my boys, especially Kim Junsu and Kim Jaejoong)

Han Solo (Star Wars)

Super Junior – Cho Kyuhyun (♥), Yesung (Kim Jong-woon)

*sigh* I’m hopeless. Currently, Kyuhyun has completed disarmed me with his mesmerizing charm. Aaaah, his charisma is insatiable. He’s improved so much, yet remains the same dorky prince I’ve come to love for so long. Those fancam videos trained on him reveal the sexiest dancing EVER. I literally can’t keep my eyes off him. The other YouTube fangirls’ comments are making me blush, such as when someone mentioned his long legs, most noticeable during his slides. Mmmmm. Kyuhyun doesn’t show off his chest and arms like Teukie (Leeteuk) does, or his arms and underwear like Fishy (Donghae) does, or his abs like Siwon and Hyukkie (Eunhyuk/HyukJae) do, but somehow I STILL manage to get nosebleeds. Beware, this side of my fangirling is very, very bad. As in I’m going to be thinking, dreaming, and wishing Kyu like he’s my own enticing drug. Go Miinah/Bonama and Boom Boom and Your Eyes (a touching Kyuhyun/Yesung duet! *squee*)!

Aaaaah the joys of summer. And beautiful, devoted, unrequited fangirly love. :P

Shao Nian Yang Jia Jiang

Yes, I admit that I have been absolutely enamored by the Shao Nian Yang Jia Jiang (少年杨家将) series from 2006. I never cried in any of the 50 episodes in Legend of Condor Heroes (射雕英雄传) from 2008, but sobbed my eyes out at least six times in this 43-episode series. Okay, I admit that it’s the first time I’ve seen EIGHT hot guys in one drama. Unbelievable. They are, of course, the seven Yang sons (although I hate Wu Lang) and the handsome Liao general Yelü Xie. I don’t want to spoil anything, but for emotional bookkeeping purposes, I cried twice for Si Lang, once for Qi Lang, once for Yelü Xie, and twice for the family at the end.

And let’s not forget that I’ve harbored very, very murderous thoughts for the entire Pan family (devil incarnates, all of them), the moronic emperor, and the Liao worm Tian Ling. I wished for them to quickly rot on many an occasion, and I’d bet anything you’d seethe too if you watch this series. In fact, the undeserved fates of the protagonists and the long-term triumphs of the villains was what turned me away from the series for 9 months. I had watched ten episodes last August, was so saddened by the injustices to the Yangs that I stopped, and then finally continued the series again after APs and watched the remaining 33 episodes in 20 days.

Based on true history, the story is about the heroic Yang family in the early Song dynasty. Of course, the director and scriptwriters have taken many liberties with plot details (which unfortunately released all my tear ducts). I was bored to death during the long speeches made by that hateful Pan Ren Mei, and was sometimes bored in the scenes with Yang Ye (the courageous head of the Yang clan, but whose punishment of his sons and trust in the enemies I adamantly disapprove of).

However, let me tell you right off that Yelü Xie does not die in this series. So rest your fears, dear ladies. :P And surprise surprise, he’s featured in my upcoming novella that follows the lives of Yelü Xie and my characters after he abdicates his position as Liao general. The first chapter is available to the public two blog entries before this one. The second chapter is also completed, but password-protected. I may eventually publish my story on FictionPress, but if you’d like to read it before then, just shoot me a line. ;)

An image gallery of what the primary protagonists (or the earliest introduced characters) can be viewed here:

I’m not telling who the mystery man is yet. :P

The others are:

Yelü Xié 耶律斜 “slanting” (♥)

Xià Róu 夏柔 Róu’er “summer gentleness” (my character)

Xuě Dié 雪蝶 Dié’er “snow butterfly” (my twin’s character)

Zhào Yù 赵玉 “jade” (the high-and-mighty lady my character works for)

But…my greatest love in the wuxia/ancient universe is still Yang Guo. ♥ ♥ ♥ I just don’t deserve to write about him. :P

Protected: Chapter 2: Coercion

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Yelü Xie

Yeah, I’m in love with the Liao general Yelü Xie (耶律斜) from Shao Nian Yang Jia Jiang (少年杨家将) … and I really need to finish this series. I stopped before episode 10 last August, and now I’m nearly done with ep 18 but I only started watching earlier this week. And I was pondering, why isn’t there any actual wuxia/historical Chinese fanfiction? I think I only found one little collection of Jin Yong fanfics, and was quite disappointed, so I’m going to venture away from sci-fi into new territory.

That is, I’m going to write original wuxia/historical Chinese fiction in ENGLISH. Whooohoooo. I’m crazy. And I’m going to have so much trouble with setting/characters/plot when my brain must be set to ancient Chinese mode but I have to write in modern English. :P I don’t know how long this story will be, or how long it will take me, or even if I’ll ever finish it (since it seems to be my favorite method of procrastination, I’ll inevitably feel guilty every time I write).

But, for the sake of my drool that cannot be suppressed, and for the sanity of my equally Chinese-culture-obsessed twin, I will spearhead this new genre, creatively dubbed ‘Wuxia in English.’ It’s a dull category name but it’s spot-on. First off will be a teaser for an untitled story involving Yelü Xie, a certain mister mysterious, and two characters who will be the ancient counterparts of myself and my twin. This part only will refer to some scenes in the 2006 Young Warriors of the Yang Clan (少年杨家将). Which, by the way, you should totally watch. There is an English subtitled version somewhere in cyberspace. Absolutely worth every second of your time.

Yes, Yelü Xie is the villain, but he’s really an anti-hero type of character. Not set in black or white. Fierce, ruthless, proud…but also super romantic. Surprised me out of my mind. I hated him for almost an entire year, but the actor Yuan Hong is totally my dream guy, so I decided to see how his intriguing role plays out.

Now, enjoy the product of my daydreaming! This first part will not be password-protected because I want the whole world to love him. :P

The story of Yelü Xie, former Liao general who ceased antagonizing the Yang warriors and left with a broken heart to pursue the life he always wanted, free from politics and bloodshed. Set during the Liao and Song dynasties in ancient China.

Chapter 1: Roaming


He was free. The wind caressed his face, lingering over the long scar on his left cheek, as he sped across the endless grasslands. The hoofs of the swift steed he had stolen the previous night pounded a steady rhythm to which his heart drummed along. He inhaled deeply the refreshing, chilly morning air and scanned his surroundings. Glimpses of dawn’s blush streaked across the eastern horizon in wispy strokes of scarlet and tangerine. It was beautiful, really. He had already experienced this tranquility on the open plains for weeks now, but he still feared that it would vanish like mist in a dream. It was, after all, only the first moon since he last issued his bellowing war-cry, since his last sighting of a thousand mutilated corpses, since he had last taken a life. It had also been the same amount of time since he’d last seen her, dueled with her, and nearly killed her.

He would not think of her. She was the past, the forgotten. Yet a painful sting seared through his chest as his own words echoed back at him: “I will never forget you.” It had been the most magical night of his life. He pulled on the reins tighter and closed his eyes in reminiscence. He had met her at dusk, demanding payment from her, as he had gone to great lengths to help her seek vengeance on the venomous Liao scum who had killed her father and indirectly caused her mother’s death. All he wanted was for her to accompany him into the mountains and spend a peaceful night by a bonfire. But the stubborn girl had refused, so he had no choice, really, but to seal her pressure points, hoist her on his back, and carry her up to his favorite spot in the mountains.

She had awoken just as he was feeding more wood to the fire. She was so loud and defiant, unable to maintain a civilized conversation for more than a minute. No doubt her brashness was owed to living on the far outskirts of town, hammering and forging and sharpening fine swords for a living. And he wanted badly to see her temper flare by misunderstanding the ‘debt’ he told her he wanted to claim. He had all but jumped on top of her upon the grass, his hot breath condensing just above her, to test if she understood his character. She protested and insulted him, but she understood, unlike the night she called him a lecher when he was only trying to ease her into a better position for stargazing on the hill of wildflowers.

He was no gentleman, but he wanted to show her that his true intentions were still noble: without another word he hurled a smooth rock at the nearby fire with unerring accuracy and force, smothering the flames instantly. The black smoke dispelled to reveal a clear full moon, which cast its ethereal glow on the towering blue cliff of precious stones behind them. He knew, without seeing them, that the crevices of the cliff glittered like faint stars; he saw their reflections in her endearing eyes.

He imagined that every girl would be captivated by the midnight magic unraveling before their very eyes, and he had secretly prepared this moment for days, when he was tired of planning battle tactics against the Song armies. But she told him in a few simple, heartbreaking words that she could not accept his feelings, much in the same way she had once waved his incense-infused staff for attracting fireflies and traced a single word, “No,” in a shower of gold onto the black sky that instantly became repulsive to him.

That was exactly her nature: simple, honest, and direct. She was also boisterous and rude, fiery and at times inclined to violence. But it made him feel like a man of flesh and blood. He hadn’t cried when he met her in her bedchamber, dressed in red on her wedding night. He had bitterly offered her a cup of wine to sever their ties and celebrate her wedding…her union to someone that wasn’t him…to not a mere commoner, but his fierce rival Wu Lang, fifth son in the highly revered Yang family. He hoped she was happy now as Wu Niang, wife of a man good enough for any woman but her. But he, he was not happy, and he wanted so badly to curse her to the depths of the earth, but still loved her too much to do so…and a single drop of moisture rolled down his scarred cheek as he opened his eyes again.

He cracked the whip with more force than necessary and viciously wiped the tear on his sleeve. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried; he hadn’t even shed a tear during the public executions of the female Liao spies who had set up headquarters at the Scarlet Teahouse. The beheading of all those women fiercely loyal to him and to the Great Liao was all his fault. It was his fault that their lives had been cut so brutally short, his fault for failing to send them home quickly enough when their plot had been exposed by the Yangs. He had promised to spill every last drop of the Yangs’ blood to avenge them, yet he was never able to personally attain that satisfaction. He had failed them even as they turned in their graves.

But now the tides had turned. He had already vowed to alienate himself from warfare and corruption, both of which he would have to resort to if he wanted to vanquish the remaining Yang warrior, Liu Lang. And what’s more, he now held a high regard for the entire Yang family, the dead and the women included. Only last month, when forced to retreat his troops from outside the Song capital, did he realize that the Yangs could never be defeated in spirit even if they perished in combat. His past hatred for the courageous warriors in red armor had been fueled by a mixture of jealousy and spite, initiated when Wu Lang fought him for the first time and marred his handsome face with a deep scar. From then on he had pitted himself against Wu Lang at every opportunity, but ultimately lost to him in both love and war.

And now, as he clutched the reins tightly and buried himself in the horse’s mane, he finally acknowledged the truth that had been gnawing at him for years. Yes, he was once the proud general of Great Liao, the Dowager Empress’s right-hand man. But he had already fought his last war and lost. And he didn’t feel a twinge of regret. Instead he felt a burst of relief as he began to truly see, to view the world through newborn eyes, no longer clouded by the single pursuit for Song blood. How often he had dreamed of carefree days like this, when there was nothing but flawless blue above him and the soft grass beneath.

But he couldn’t roam forever. One moon ago he had crossed from the Central Plains back into Liao. Now he was approaching the border once more, but this time thousands of li east. He would soon reach the Eastern capital Dongjing, not far from the coast. He would have liked to avoid contact with people for as long as possible, but he couldn’t continue to gain sustenance from hunting and occasionally robbing travelers. His emerging savage tendencies would subside once he reached civilization again.

He spotted the outline of a dense forest ahead, the border between the Central and Eastern regions. The split had been received with no opposition, so the forest was completely unoccupied and unguarded. Yelü Xie cracked the whip to hasten the steed through a relatively clear path directly into the silent forest. Ancient trees with their towering foliage thoroughly filtered out the weak sunlight. He sped through the semi-darkness with ease and relaxed. Within the next hour he would reach the gates of the Eastern capital, and he needed to be fully alert upon arrival. If he liked the place enough, he would settle there temporarily. Otherwise he would traverse the Southern region, and if that didn’t suit him, he wouldn’t oppose to residing in Song. But he would make sure to avoid Bianjing at all costs. Crossing paths with her or the Yangs again was the last thing he wanted in this lifetime.

It wasn’t long before the trees thinned and his eyes had to adjust to a growing brightness. Sunbeams greeted him at the edge of the forest, and he quickly dismounted near a massive shrub. There he discarded his fur cap, his heavy outer robe, and his pendant with the hanging silver crescent of Liao. It wasn’t safe for him to exhibit his former identity as the Great Liao general anywhere on the continent. The Eastern cities, especially Dongjing, were furthermore perilous because of their proximity to the Kingdom of Goryeo.

But his curved sword in its gilded sheath would remain on him no matter what. In one swift, practiced movement he climbed onto the horses’s back and sped onward. The thick underbrush soon dwindled to wild grass, then suddenly transitioned to an expanse of brown dirt with no end in sight. The steel gates of the Eastern capital loomed ahead, the sun reflecting harshly on the metal’s gray luster. He slowed his horse from a gallop to a trot as he approached the first row of sentries, who barely cast the lone man a glance. The inner guards were more apprehensive, their eyes lingering on the gleaming hilt of his sword, but let him pass wordlessly.

He had arrived in Great Liao’s most sequestered capital.

Protected: Chapter 5: Home Planet

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Protected: Excerpts Batch 1

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